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for those of you who set out to work until 6 PM today but finished everything you could possibly accomplish today at work at 3:30. And got bored and decided to eat the kiwi that was in your office and write (er…read) a blog post.

I’m lookin’ at you.

A fun little feature of WordPress is that it can tell you the top search terms people have found your blog using, by day, week, or since the inception of your blog. If you have a blog, you should check these out sometime. If not, or until then, you can have fun with the phrases people use to find MY blog!

A lot of these were obvious. “Ale.” “Beer Glass.” “Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA.” “Pictures of bubbles in a beer glass.” Stuff like that. Some of them, however, were so choice I had to share them (capitalization- or lack thereof- authentically replicated. People do not like to capitalize when searching).

Like #1. “angler fish” I get how that search term would lead people to Iambs and Ales, actually. Awhile back I did a post on RJ Rockers’s Fish Paralyzer, which included a picture of an angler fish. Now, I’m (very very vaugely) SEO-savvy, so I knew to label the picture “angler fish.” I also included the term a couple times in the post. I’m not surprised that people have found the blog through that picture at all. I’m just incredibly happy that the #1 search term used to find my blog is “angler fish.” And that 15 INDEPENDENT PEOPLE found my blog that way. To you 15, I say: welcome, fellow angler-fish-lovers! We share a passion for ugly, scary, mysterious sea creatures that few other people can know the intensity of.

#3. “racial harmony” Again, I know why this came up. It’s probably from this post. I’m just proud to say that 14 people came to my blog looking for racial harmony. I hope they found it.

#6. “crazy foam experiment” Fucking sweet. That’s all I can say. I’ve never featured a crazy foam experiment on this blog, but this makes me think I should. There are six people out there incredibly disappointed now, and I feel like some crazy experimental foam content could really kick this blog up a notch.

#22. “not washing urself” Apparently my blog’s a good place to find out about that. I mean, I will admit to some unsavory showerless stretches on weekends (usually only weekends with wicked hangovers though, which don’t happen that often) or on travel days. But how can they sense that through my blog?? And even more questionable…what sort of information on not washing “urself” did they hope to find by googling that? And MOST questionable…did two separate people, as the stats indicate, really spell that word “urself”?

#26. “pics of little cats drinking beer” …disturbing. I mean, there was also a search term further down the list that read “cat drinking beer” but for some reason, that sounds like good fun. The cats are just having a good time. This sounds dirty. Part of it could be that for some reason, I think the word “pics” is sleazy, like someone’s getting real visceral pleasure out of these “pics,” and even more so when combined with “little cats.” Like grown cats weren’t extreme enough. It’s like the pedophelia of cats-drinking-beer fetishes: kittens drinking beer. Or really small, runty cats. But either way it sounds like they’re being forced into it, and they can’t fight back because they’re little kittens. And just one little kitty isn’t good enough. Oh no. This has to be a group thing. Blech.

#29. “taco smashing before a big game” Is this some awesome pre-gaming ritual I’m not aware of? And are you really smashing tacos, or is that a euphemism for something else? It sounds like it could be either.

#42. “examples of bitter tastes” ….similar to my final concern about #22, it sort of blows my mind that two discrete people on two discrete occasions searched for “examples of bitter tastes.” There are really two people out there who can’t think of examples of things that taste bitter? We should get them together.

#46. “interestingly fotos” I like interestingly fotos too! And speaking gud grahamerz! I certainly hope these people found my fotos to be interestingly!

#99. “super knives” Enough said. My blog is officially badass.

And my personal favorite,

#136. “chewy meat wine”

Mmmm. Chewy meat wine.

(let it just be known, that amidst all these, the title of my blog- “Iambs and Ales”- was searched for by 1 person. It was #131 on the list).

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Poetry Champagne

A random photo-post of the champagne I found to celebrate finding out I am now a published poet (!!)

Perfect.

Look for my poems “Midnight Movie” and “Spoonful” in the Fall 2010 issue of Slow Trains!

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